Nick's blog

The rollercoaster continues to pitch and yaw. Pat needs to be fed now rather than helped with her food, her appetite isn't what it was and the joy seems to have gone even from eating. Subconsciously we all adjust our expectations and this allows us to find positives from pitiful scenes at the hospice. I visit with the children on Tuesday, dreading the possible effects of a bad experience. Pat makes what must be a massive effort to interact and stay focused. We make silly playdough models to try and keep the scene upbeat. Pat manages a few words, smiles and almost laughs to let us know she is still here. We don't last an hour, it's draining and feels like much longer, but nonetheless we all consider it a positive experience. The woman I married would die of shame if she saw herself now, but that woman has gone and I cannot evaluate my emotions regarding the other one. Only the big sleep can bring mercy for Pat now. Meanwhile Josiane will travel to Newcastle tomorrow to start her trek on Sunday. Bon chance Josiane et prends courage parce que Patricia marche toujours avec toi

N