Nick's blog

Most days this week Pat has been awake for long enough to take some sustenance, but usually her eyes are closed and she is unresponsive. Until today that is when changes to her medication put her back in the room. She is sitting up and alert when I come in and starts talking immediately. It's rambling, incoherent and dillusional. Altogether she is more emotional and we have some funny moments over dinner, which she eats well. I try to keep this mood up, but there are sad and tragic moments too. "Let's go to the pub for a drink", she says, trying to get up but being unable even to raise her head. She also mentions coming home and this one really hurts, more than once with the memory gone and the conversation marching on. I speak with the staff nurse and will speak further with the doctor tomorrow. I eventually leave feeling utterly drained and with the distinct feeling of being two helpless pawns under some kind of Pharmaceutical Big Brother. Pity has never been stronger

N